♥ ♥J-E-S-S♥ ♥'s Journal

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

Time:

1:43 pm.

So its really funny...I posted my last entry on the 21st...about getting over my ex...and later that night i met the best guy in the world..
How friggin weird.

But i couldnt be happier. today we've been together 3 weeks and things are going great. He's a good guy! he met my mom...sorta met my dad (he happened to meet him when i had my car wreck...so it wasnt exactly a meeting).

Its weird how it just fell into my lap. but im extremely happy with this situation. he takes good care of me =]

just thought i'd update.

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Saturday, March 21st, 2009

Subject:	Dear You,
Time:	11:57 am.

So ive been reflecting over myself while ive been goin through this no sleep thing...and ive realized that i just have to let it go in order to get over it. There are things im never gonna know...like how you could do that to me, or even why. Ill never get to ask you those questions. But i know that its time to start getting over this...it's been nearly 4 months. This is the hardest thing ive ever had to go through and i HATE you for it. But starting today im gonna push you out of my mind. I know its impossible to forget what you did, and I will NEVER forget...but im not gonna let it hold me back anymore. Its not worth it. I need to move on and put my life back together....my life without you. I CAN do this. I AM stronger than you thought and ive already showed that to you. But im gonna show you just how strong I am and forget every good memory with you, because the bad outweigh the good. I dont need trash like you in my life. So I leave you with this....

I Guess It's Time

Josh Abbott Band

I'm sitting under pine and oak trees
waiting on a summer breeze
to cool me down.
I think I've been up since dawn,
your memories carry on
without a sound.

So I'll be sitting here thinking what to do
God knows how I miss you.
It's a shame this is what we're gonna do.
But I guess it's time I started getting over you.

You're like the peacocks down at the park,
So beautiful but you mean no harm
and you can't be caught
I thought I had you in my arms one time
and everything was fine
until we fought

It's like the moment when the rain falls down,
how you broke my heart, what a lonely sound.
The clouds open to a new, clear sky.
Let me clear my mind, I guess it's time.

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Saturday, February 21st, 2009

Subject:	Did you feel like a man when you pushed me around?..
Time:	2:31 pm.

Going to the FINAL court date on Thursday. Finally this shit is going to be out of my life!! I am so ready its not even funny. Party Thursday night? yes I think so.

WISH ME LUCK!!

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Saturday, January 24th, 2009

Subject:	Damn it...ugh...
Time:	9:36 am.
Mood:	angry.

Well we went to court and Brandon plead guilty...and then when the judge told him that pleading guilty could be up to a year in jail and a $4000 fine...Brandon decided that he wanted a lawyer and they took the plea back....So now we go back in Feb with his lawyer.

He is such an idiot..He would have just had to pay some fines and been on probation. But now hopefully that'll change. He has NO case whatsoever. Ive got 2 sets of pictures and my nieghbor(at the time) also called the cops so i have a kinda sorta witness.

Im so pissed. I just want this over with.

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Monday, January 19th, 2009

Subject:	so tomorrow decides his fate...
Time:	9:22 pm.
Mood:	worried.

I go to court tomorrow to see what Brandon is gonna plea. I think that no matter what he will only get probation..which sucks so much to know what he did to me and how much he hurt me and that he's only gonna get a slap on the fuckin wrist. I dont have to be at the court hearing tomorrow but I decided that I wanted him to see me there to show him that I AM STRONG and I WILL go through with this..unlike all the other girls he's hurt.

so please pray that they do the right thing and send his sorry ass to jail. Ill update tomorrow with the plea.

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Sunday, December 28th, 2008

Subject:	So its been rough..
Time:	5:31 pm.
Mood:	blank.

Ive decided to post how im feeling in here because its easier and i know half the people on here wont read it! (except ash maybe..)

I just recently got out of a really REALLY bad relationship. the past three weeks have been the hardest ever. I have dreams about him...constantly feel like i have to watch my back. Im tired of being scared..even though i have a protective order on me and my whole family. I fell for this guy SO hard..I did everything for him. I was so fuckin good to him...and what did he do...beat the hell out of me. I just dont understand it. I rack my damn brain everyday trying to figure out what I did wrong to deserve it...but I didnt do anything wrong. He was in the wrong.

That was seriously the scarriest night of my life. I dont even remember how many times he choked me...at least 9 or more. I have never been so sore or bruised before. The bruises were so bad the cops had to take two sets of pics because more bruises showed up the next day. I had welts on my head that were so big they were able to get pics of them. But the physical pain was nothing compared to how my heart feels right now. I trusted him..I almost lost my family because of him...I did lose a lot of friends because of him...i almost lost my job because of him...its pathetic that i lost so much and did not see it at all. I just hope that if im put in that situation again I see it this time...I dont wanna hurt like that again.

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Monday, July 28th, 2008

Subject:	Its been a very long time...
Time:	5:02 pm.
Mood:	optimistic.

Hey everyone,

Its been so long since ive been on here...actually I forgot about it until today. I just thought i'd stop by and let everyone how things are going (for those that want to know)

Ive been back in Texas since April of 07. Been working at the daycare the whole time. I now work there, clean an office on the weekend and im about to start working at a hotel on the weekends as well.

Things are going pretty good. Living on my own is great. Ive got my own car and can pretty much do whatever I want. Its nice to not live with my parents but be so close to them that i can see them anytime I want. My sisters are freaking growing up. Brandi is going to be a senior this year...and Savannah just turned 15. Its crazy how much they've changed since being here.

Ive changed quite a bit myself. My hair is the longest its been since Jr year. Still have most of my piercings (took out my eyebrow)..and still loving them all. Really the only thing that has changed is my attitude on life. I have come to realize that I cant be mad all the time, I have to live life and try to make the best of it. I have met some great people out here, and I'm glad they are apart of my life now.

I do miss you guys quite a bit. I get homesick sometimes. I miss the water..the rain..and being able to go and hang out with a lot of you. Im sorry that I have lost contact with most of you, but for where I am in my life, it seemed the best thing to do for a while. I needed to get over the fact that Washington wasnt my home anymore. I apologize to anyone that I hurt in this process, but it was the best thing for me.

If anyone wants to get into contact with me you are more than welcome to. I'd love to hear from you.

yahoo - imjustafuctxupkid
msn - loserxcore@hotmail.com
myspace IM - xjesxsiex

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Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

Time:

11:15 pm.

My ticket has been purchased. Hello April 27th!

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Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

Time:

6:37 pm.

Incase you wanted to know...

My parents found an apartment for me, its $325 a month, including water. i only have to pay electricity.

Also, I will be leaving washington April 26.

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Tuesday, February 20th, 2007

Time:	2:56 am.
Mood:	awake.

So its becoming a reality...I'm really moving back....and I CANT WAIT! oh my god I want to get out of here so bad. I mean I love everybody that I hang out with now...but its so hard knowing that my whole family is growing up and growing (my cousin just had a baby girl)...esp with my sisters. wow they have grown up so much since ive been gone.

Ive been here 6 months already. It doesnt seem like that long. But its only a few months till I'm gone. I moved back here on false hopes. I hoped that the friends I hung out with before would still accept me as a friend, I guess not (and that DOES include most of you reading this). I also moved here on a hope that I would find that person. so much for that, but thats okay..im happy now.

Ive been talking to my mom lately and she's got her name on a waiting list for a 1 bedroom apartment. $325 a month. not bad at all. and my dad is looking for a car for me. So pretty much when I move back everything will hopefully be ready for me. I'll prolly get my old job back at the daycare, and maybe work a second job.

Im so looking forward to seeing my family. To hang out with my sisters and have girl nights, have them sleep over at my apartment. To have my MOMS COOKING. oh my god do I ever miss that. mmmm good food. cant wait! To go to work with my dad on the weekends, and to see the beautiful country again. Its so exciting. I never thought that I would miss Texas or ever call it my home...But ive come to realize that it is my home.

Same Saturday night, same ol' crowd
Draggin' Main to the Safeway then turn back around
'Til curfew and then head down to the river's edge and get drunk
Ain't nothing new what else you gonna do out in Podunk

Well I knew this six-string was my ticket out
No flashin' red light was gonna slow me down
18 years old everything that I owned in the back of that truck
I put a dip in my mouth and I headed straight out outta Podunk

Goodbye, daddy looked me in the eye said go where you gotta go
But don't forget to call home
And momma cried keep Jesus in your life and I hugged her one last time
And then I headed down the roadin a dusty cloud of smoke
Out of Podunk

A lot of years gone by showin' on my face
Nothing in this life that time hasn't changed
I chased a lot of dreams and some of them came true
Ain't it funny how the very place I ran from is the place I'm runnin' to

Another Saturday night singin' to the same ol' crowd
Still playin this six-string but things are different nowI met one
of those girls turn your whole world around girls
And wouldn't you know it
We got our eyes on a house 'bout a hundred miles south
Out in Podunk

Goodbye, her daddy looked me in the eye
And said go where you gotta go son but don't forget to call home
And her momma cried sadi keep Jesus in your life and we hugged her one last time
Then we headed down the road to start a family of our own
Out in Podunk

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Saturday, January 13th, 2007

Subject:	I would just like to let you guys know...
Time:	9:22 pm.

That when my lease is up in May I will be moving back to Texas.

I believe that I moved here for the wrong reasons. I put my friends as a priority over family...I love you guys a lot but I cant do this without my family. I need them and they need me. I dont think that you can really understand how I feel here, but I feel pretty alone.

Im going to try to make the best out of the rest of my time in Washington, and spend as much time with you guys as I can.

If I seem really standoff-ish lately, its because I'm really homesick...I've been like this for a few months now. Don't take it the wrong way, this has just been a very very hard experience for me...

So lets make plans and hang out as much as possible. you all know you can give me a call anytime.

♥
Jessie

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Sunday, December 24th, 2006